Chocolate Snowball recipe (flourless chocolate cake)

Back in the day in my hometown, there was a restaurant called Chautauqua Publick Inn. They had a dessert called Chocolate Snowball that kicked serious ass. About 12 years ago the place closed which pissed me off. I thought I'd never have Chocolate Snowball again. While celebrating our 1st wedding anniversary, Tiffany & I were in Vancouver and stoned out of our gourds on legal Canadian weed. Get your passport ready, folks. Those rumors about hash bars in Vancouver are completely 100 percent true. We wandered into a coffee shop to get some munchies, and I bought some flourless chocolate cake. It wasn't Chocolate Snowball, but it was close. I knew that if I could tweak it a little, I could get it right, so I found a recipie online, tweaked it a little, and ta-daa! Now I can eat this stuff whenever I want. I'm sure it is responsible for the 5 pounds I gained last year, because it is by no means good for you, which is why it tastes so good. Here's how you make it.

You need:

Four eggs, separated. If there's a little bit of white in with your yolks that's ok, but if you get yolk mixed with the whites you have to scrap that shit and start over.

7 oz. chocolate that's at least 60 percent cocoa. Don't buy the cheap shit like Hershey's. Shell out the bucks for the Ghirardelli. It's worth it.

One cup sugar.

3/4 cup butter. (a stick and a half).

A few teaspoons of ground espresso. Again, go to Starbucks and get the good shit. Dont use Folger's Crystals for a job of this magnitude, cheapo.

Heavy whipping cream and powdered sugar for frosting.

Some people have told me that they think this cake would be good with nuts in it. To them, I say, "Fuck you. Nuts are gross." I eat peanuts when I'm at the ballpark, because there's a time and a place for everything. Dessert is niether the time nor the place for nuts, and I can't stand shit like walnuts mixed in to what would otherwise be perfectly good chocolate chip cookies, so I'll be goddamned if I'm putting nuts in my fucking cake.

First thing you do is cover the inside surface of a 9 inch cake pan or Pyrex bowl with butter and line it with wax paper. Don't use the butter that you need for the cake, dummy. Then, preheat your oven to 350.

In a big bowl, beat the yolks with half of the sugar until the sugar's all mixed in, and the stuff looks a little wierd.

Break the chocolate into little pieces and melt it with the butter in a double boiler. If you haven't got a double boiler, get a big pot and boil water in it. Put the chocolate and butter in a smaller pot and set that shit in the boiling water. Dump your few teaspoons of ground espresso in the pot with the butter and chocolate. Snoogens.

Now, if you have an electric mixer, you not only suck because I don't have one, but the next step is going to be much easier for you than it is for me, which also makes you suck. Take your egg whites, and beat the living shit out of them. If you've got the mixer, spin that shit on the highest level that you can without spewing it all over the kitchen until stiff peaks form, pansy. If you're like me, get a wisk and whip those egg whites' asses until that shit is super frothy. G-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y add the rest of that sugar while you're beating the crap outta them whites. They should be all frothy and whatnot, and when you tap off the wisk, peaks should be there. When you think you've beaten the egg whites enough, beat 'em some more. The sugar has a tendency to want to stay on the bottom of the bowl and you want that shit mixed up real good, natch.

Get'cher melted butter & chocolate, and fold it in with your yolks & sugar. Use one of those white Pyrex spatulas for this, they work the best. Stir that shit up good.

Take your egg white & sugar mixture and beat it some more so it doesn't settle. Fold that shit in with the chocolate & yolks in that big bowl with the spatula. Mix alla this crap together until it's all the same colour and consistency.

Dump your batter into the Pyrex bowl or cake pan and stick that shit in the oven. Leave it there for about 45 minutes or so. When you can stick a toothpick in the center, pull it out and have it come out clean, the thing is done baking.

When the cake comes outta the oven, put a plate on top of the bowl or cake pan & flip it upside down. The pan or bowl should lift right off leaving you with your cake on a plate covered with wax paper. Slowly peel the wax paper off so that chunks of the cake don't come off with it. Now cover that shit back up with the wax paper and stick it in the freezer. That's right, the freezer. Leave it in there until it's frozen completely. The cake will fall in the freezer but that's because there's no flour in it. It won't look all pretty like it did when it came outta the oven, but that doesn't matter because you're gonna smear a shitload of whipped cream all over it anyway. If the shape of the cake is important to you, you can mold it in a bowl or some shit before you freeze it.

Before the cream sets out too long, you must whip it. Now whip it into shape. Shape it up, get straight. Go forward, move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good.

So, yeah. Whip the cream. (Sorry about that. I had to.) Add powdered sugar to your whipped cream until you like the way it tastes. Or don't. Some people like their whipped cream au natural, some do not. I add sugar until it tastes almost like Cool Whip because that's how I roll.

Now frost your cake with that whipped cream, and don't be afraid to slop a bunch of that shit on there. I use a lot of whipped cream when I make these things and I always think they could use a little more. Then, sprinkle powdered sugar over the top of the thing. Now put that shit back in the freezer.

When it's all frozen, you can eat it. It can be kinda hard to cut 'cause it's really dense and you won't want to eat very big slices 'cause it's very rich, but it's definately yummy as fuck. I usually cut the thing in half and stick it in tupperware for storage so that the frosting doesn't end up tasting like the inside of the freezer. I also almost always end up giving half of the stuff away to some lucky soul when I make these cakes, because they'll only keep for about a week to a week and a half, and if you eat an entire Chocolate Snowball in one week by yourself, you'll be able to actually hear your arteries clogging, and the heart attack will be both massive and fatal when it comes.


Enjoy, and if you use this recipe to bake one of these things let me know how it turns out, mbokay?